Day 2 (week 1)! holy calf raises batman

So it’s the 2nd day of training, yey! I love that i’m excited and have been looking forward to it since Sunday 🙂

Because of Easter monday the schedule is a bit off. Normally I will train Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It’s just this week I went on Sunday so I had 2 ‘rest’days in between. On Monday i worked my glutes and legs at home and yesterday I rested except for 8 mins of cardio.

I didn’t get much sleep last night. I got home from work rather later (around 21:30) then needed to prepare lunch for today, do the cardio, make an evening snack, clean up, etc…I’m not the type of person that can just go straight to bed. After doing all of  that I was wide awake. I didn’t fall asleep until after 1 some time. I got up twice to pee (the downside of hydrating), and was woken up early by the cats. But, I’m ready to take on this training today and after a good breakfast and morning ‘meal’ I have energy 😀

I’ve been scouring the internet for inspiration. I find it really helps me to look at before/after photos and read their stories, plus I’ve found some good people on instagram to follow (which means I’ll actually have to use it; i have an account I just barely ever use and just post a photo every now and then without hashtagging or anything). But, it’s a good resource for nutrition and exercise tips! who knew? okay, probably lots of people knew that but I didn’t!

I have found one woman to follow. I love her physique and aspire to look like her! well, i mean I know that everyone is different and built differently and I may not look exactly like her, but the general idea. Perhaps what I really mean is that I aspire to her level of fitness and strength, it’s not just about looks.She has some good tips and short videos of exercises that I can’t wait to try out once I’ve got the hang of things a bit more. Usually I just rush and do everything straight away, but I thought it best to get a good foundation going, then try these different ways of exercising with weights.

I’m still not totally sure about the nutrition but i’ll just go ahead with the info I have and do my best. When I started this blog, it was just for me to keep a record of my journey and keep track of my progress. I was pleasantly surprised that people actually read it and comment and give great advice. S0, thank you to all of you for your feedback and encouragement yesterday!  I’m doing this alone so it’s nice to have support out there from people who have done the same or who are experts.

So i’m ready for my workout. I have my notes scribbled on the back of my workout sheet.

Okay I will write my post workout thoughts below

Day 2 complete! 

Lateral pulldown: 35(kg)x8 (reps), 35×8, 35×9

cable rows: 21×12, 28×10

hyperextensions (back): 12, 12 (no weight)

barbell curls: 9.5×15, 9.5×15, 12×12

alternate dumbbell curls: 6×12, 6×15

Seated calf raises: 5×12, 5×12, 5×12 (this one i’m not sure how to write down because it was 2 barbell plates 5kg each so i don’t know if i should write 5kg or 10kg. For now i’ll write 5kg since that’s the number on the plate and it will help me keep track)

It all went well. One thing i noticed when I did the hyperextensions is that I really felt it in my butt muscles. I’m not sure if that’s supposed to happen. Could be because they’re sore from working out yesterday? I wonder if i was somehow doing the movement wrong.

The calf raises….wow! It was funny, I sat down at the machine and could not figure out how to release the safety lever. Finally, I asked a guy to help me. He pointed out that I should raise the weights first, well i couldn’t because there were two 25kg plates on there haha. How naive of me to think i could start off with that. The guy suggested 5kg and at first i thought ‘ugh! i can do better than that’ but i was wrong. That weight was perfect and wow my calves were burning. It felt like a borderline cramp but didn’t go into a cramp. I’ve never really worked my calves. What a revelation 🙂 I love it!

Afterwards I realised I’d left my post workout snack at work 😦  I had a protein shake, banana and some almonds also a square of dark chocolate. I didn’t feel hungry, was just more disappointed and a bit worried since I knew i wouldn’t be going straight home. So, i just bought a banana from the gym and that was enough to get me home.

I did my 8 minute tae bo when I got home and tonight i’ll do some stretching. Can’t wait for the next workout!

 

 

confused and overwhelmed about nutrition :(

I’m suddenly feeling overwhelmed and confused.

I’ve been reading a lot of articles about weight training and nutrition and there are contradictions all over the place even amongst articles on the same website.

From what I understood, it’s best to eat 6 small meals a day about 3 hours apart. I’ve been following that for the last 5 days or so and it’s working well. What I was really confused about is what ‘macros’ I need (amount in g of protein, fat and carbs needed a day). I found some calculators and according the first one I need:

1683 calories a day

protein 165g
fat 83g
carbs 62g

I’ve been able to get the protein and the carbs but 83g of fat doesn’t seem possible. I know it should be good fat like nuts, avocado, etc but how to get that much?

I went to a different calculator and got this result:

1642 calories

protein 187g
fat 63g
carbs 85g

Totally different results where the carbs and fat are concerned. I was feeling even more confused (from the beginning I haven’t felt like i’ve got a good handle on the nutrition requirements) so I posted on a forum asking for advice. Then I was told that you don’t need to eat 6 times a day (even though every body building programme on the website has this ‘method’ for nutrition), and when and what you eat after a workout doesn’t matter (even though i’ve seen posts and articles talking about that you should eat 30 mins after and it should be protein and carbs), and that I should just eat whenever I want as long as I reach my goals. I was told that I had been reading myths (in articles posted on the very site where i posted in the forum!) and that everything I said is wrong.

In both calculations the calories seem quite high. Before  my calorie goal was 1200 a day for weight loss.

I just don’t know what to do. There is so much contradictory information out there. This transformation is so important to me and I want to make sure I am doing it correctly from the very beginning. I suppose that’s how I am with everything.

I know how to eat a healthy diet to lose weight. But as I understand it if you’re weight training you need a different kind of nutrition plan in order to lose fat and gain muscle. I don’t have any problem  ‘eating clean’ as that’s what I’m mostly used to anyway. I just don’t know what amounts I need and when I need to eat because I’ve just been told that the info I had is wrong.

Other things that I’m confused about. I’ve read these things and then been told or read the opposite.
eat as soon as you wake up (I can’t because I take thyroid meds and need to wait 30 minutes)

do cardio first thing on an empty stomach

do cardio after breakfast

 

Grrr

 

Day 1!! yeah!

Training day! I’ve been excited since yesterday. I’ll be without my trainer, but I’m going to do my best and do the first workout of the body building programme i’ve decided to follow.

When I woke up this morning I felt rather tired to make breakfast so I drank a protein shake, actually went back to sleep for a bit. Then I had a fritatta and I just ate my next meal: grilled salmon with red lentils, salad, grilled onions and peppers, greek yogurt. Since I need to digest a bit before going to the gym, I’m going to spend the next hour ‘studying’ for my workout which means meticulously watching the videos for each exercise I need to do and trying to burn them into my brain so when I get to the gym and  I can remember the proper form. I’ll write my post workout thoughts below.

Day 1 complete!! 

I feel good. I have that post-workout dreamy, content feeling and the nagging headache I had when I went there is now gone. It was a little weird to be in unfamiliar territory, but I was armed with my workout sheet, notes, and determination. I was able to complete all exercises except for one: the decline bench press because I seriously could not figure out how to lay on the bench;  i wasn’t sure where my feet went. I felt too shy to ask anyone for help. I know that’s silly, but no one looked very friendly and I felt stupid. I will ask my trainer next time how exactly to do it. So instead of that exercise i did 2 more sets of incline bench press. Not sure if that’s good or not, but oh well.

Workout:

Week 1, day 1

Chest, triceps, abs

Dumbbell bench press: 8(kg)x8, 8×10, 8×10

Incline bench press: bar (no idea how much it weighs but it was kind of heavy)x8, barx8

Decline bench press: (see above; repeated incline)

Cable pushdowns: 15×12, 15×10, 15×10

Overhead extensions: 8.5×10, 8.5×10,

Crunches: 12, 15, 15

Some extra oblique stuff

Cardio: 8 min tae bo, 10 min bike

After each workout i’ll record what I lifted so I can track my progress.

(my notes scribbled on the back of my workout sheet. good thing i can understand that mess!)

Tonight after I finished, I had a quick sit in the steam sauna 🙂

Post workout, I was quite hungry! I drank a protein shake that I’d brought with me (note to self: adding cayenne pepper to the chocolate shake was an awesome idea!) and ate a banana. I’m home now and still kind of peckish. I just ate a hardboiled egg white and would like a little something more. The author of the programme i’m following suggested that the last meal eliminates carbs. I’m not sure if that means ALL carbs (like vegetables) or things like rice, pasta, etc.

There is still so much I need to learn. But, i’m excited to be on my way and the past few days I’ve felt physically and mentally good.

I’m going to rustle up a snack and then relax.

Love,
Bad-ass bitch

 

 

 

on being more kind to myself

I met with my trainer today.  I had e mailed her the programme that I want to follow yesterday (i’d actually written the e mail earlier in the week but it was sitting in my drafts–woops!) so she had already had something else planned for me. At first I was disappointed but that changed when I saw we would be using weights.

It wasn’t the rarrrrrr!!! kind of workout i was expecting, but it was a good workout. We did stuff using the barbell, some abs, cycling and rowing machine. I broke a sweat and I can tell that i’ll be sore tomorrow. So, even though it wasn’t the workout I was expecting, it was a good workout and it introduced me to exercises I’d never done before.

Afterwards I went to the vitamin store and bought some protein powder and some capsules to help muscle recovery. The girl there was really helpful and gave me so much advice. I feel like it’s getting real now 😀

Today I also followed the routine of eating several smaller meals. For breakfast I had a fritatta, blood orange snack, lunch was salmon with salad and lentils, apple snack in the afternoon, banana after workout, dinner was a baked chicken breast, 2 egg whites, greek yogurt with cucumber, 12 almonds and the last ‘meal’  will be a protein shake. I’m sure it could be more refined, but i think it’s a good start and I feel really good today. I’ve also done a good job of hydrating.

It’s funny because I like eating healthy foods and I love exercising. I feel so good when I eat well (no refined sugar!) and am active. I just don’t know why I end up crashing so spectacularly. It’s not because i feel deprived or hungry. It’s always some event, like I got the flu. You’d think that when I’m sick i’d crave healthy food, but I just fell into the junk food hole because it easy and probably comforting or whatever and even after i’d recovered my eating was still going badly. I only fixed it this week.

I want this transformation to truly transform me. Not just the way I look, but the way I live so that I stay with the healthy habits. If I do ‘fall off the wagon’  i want it to be an easy hop back on.

I also need to banish negative thoughts about myself and also not be so hard on myself. Today i was shaving my legs and I criticised myself over how fat i think my legs are now. But that needs to stop. Yes, i’m not in the shape I want to be in, but that’s changing and I will be in the shape i want to be in. I’m doing something about it. Today, I did some cardio at home, went to the gym and ate really well. I made good choices about my health so kudos to me. Jesus, a lot of the stuff i say to myself or about myself I would never tolerate someone else saying to me! I need to stop abusing myself in that way. I’m on the way to a better me; not just in body but in mind as well.

Now it’s time to streeeeettttcccchhhh….

Love,
Bad-ass bitch

 

oh plank, I hardly knew ye

I’ve noticed that the day after a workout I could be a little sore, but the following day I’m much more sore. It’s like it creeps in…

The other day we did a lot of plank, and some variations I’d never seen before. I guess I was only familiar with the plank that you do on your elbows and stay stationary. Well, we did that but I also did a plank and pushing myself forward, so my triceps got some action. I also did a plank twisting my hips side to side to work the obliques.

My abs this week have been more sore than after doing 100 sit ups. They’re still a bit sore when I cough. I had no idea that plank could work the muscles this much! I see many more planks in my future.

I’m super excited because I’ve found the programme on bodybuilding.com I will follow. At my session on Friday with my trainer I’m going to ask her to help me with the exercises. It’s a 12 week challenge. This is perfect because in 12 weeks it’ll be summer.

Another plus is that my mum is coming to visit at that time. Because of the (physical) distance between us we only get to see each other every 2 years. we don’t get to skype much because of the time difference. So, I was thinking that I will surprise her with my transformation. Of course, she loves me in any shape or size and has never ever criticised the way i look. But, she knows that I have struggled with my weight for years (she does too) and I think she would get such a kick out of it. So she’ll come, them boom! new me 🙂 It’s a good motivator.

I’m ready to do this! I’m ready to work hard, push myself and create this new me.

Love,
Bad-ass Bitch

a slow start, but excited

So, my first session with the trainer was good but a bit uneventful. I expected this since it was our first session and she would need to assess my fitness level, etc.

We didn’t get into the bodybuilding, but did some stuff with weights and I definitely got a full body workout. At the time it didn’t seem difficult but I’m sore today. I outlined for her what I want to achieve, what my current eating habits are like, and on Friday (our next session) we’ll get all into it. We’ll measure my weight and body fat, talk about nutrition and talk more about the body building programme that I want to do.

I knew we wouldn’t just go straight into it so on the one hand I’m glad for the workout we had (my sore muscles vouch for that) as I learnt some new exercises that will be easy to do at home and will work the muscles in my upper back which is one of my tightest areas and one of the areas that I want most to develop. On the other hand, my impatient side is wanting to get started straight away.

But, it’s good to start off slowly especially since I’m a total novice to body building. And I also know that my transformation will not happen overnight. Wouldn’t that be lovely if it did? Or even in a week, a month?

Well, I would like to see a difference in a month. I don’t mean reach my goal because that would be humanly impossible. But, I want to see or at least feel a difference in my body. I think this is definitely possible. Even small changes motivate me;  changes that perhaps no one else would notice, but which I would.

I’ve been obsessively scouring the internet looking for peoples’ ‘before and after’ for inspiration. I try to look at them every day. I especially look for women with a body currently like mine. This helps to motivate me and to see that a total transformation is possible. I imagine myself like that and imagine people’s reactions. I have an active imagination and I think this will help me too. I am realistic enough to know that everyone’s body is not the same and people progress at different rates so what someone has accomplished in 12 weeks may take longer (or not). But, I do know that achieving the strong body I want is possible and imagining that I’m already there definitely helps.

So, yes, i want to feel differently in a month. Given my past experiences with fitness I know that I will. Also, in a month I will have a period again so I will be interested to see if my change in fitness activity and eating habits will make a difference with the endo. Well, actually I know it will I’m just curious as to how much of an impact it will have.

Maybe i’ll have the courage to post some progress photos. Maybe 😉 ….

Love,
Bad-ass bitch

terrible weekend, but first day of training!

Today is my first session with my trainer. I’m really looking forward to it. I just with I had more energy. I’m completely drained after the weekend. No, I didn’t spend it partying, I had my freaking period. Yey!

Periods are not fun for any woman, but for women with endometriosis they can be sheer hell. The period I experienced this weekend was horrendous. The pain was so bad that I barely slept the first night as it was so intense it kept waking me up. I considered going to the hospital because it hurt so badly, but I was in a foreign country and wasn’t sure how my insurance would work! So, I just powered through. The next day, the pain wasn’t much better and the lack of sleep meant I needed to stay in bed. So, I did just that but still barely slept because of the pain and it was noisy in the hotel with the cleaning. But, at least i got some rest. Later on, I went out and got some pills and did feel better but still kind of shitty and tired for the rest of the night. Despite that, I was able to enjoy the performance of La Boheme that we went to see.

Next day, pain was less but I was exhausted. Today, I still feel drained. The reason i’m talking about this here is that part of this bodybuilding quest is to alleviate symptoms of my endo. I’ve noticed in the past that my fitness level and diet affect the level of pain and discomfort that I feel during my period. I’m not surprised that this month was bad because I recently had the flu and I was too sick/weak to exercise. I haven’t done any proper exercise for about 3 weeks. My eating habits became unhealthy again and I consumed far too much sugar.

it’s been difficult for me to tell if it’s the consumption of sugar or exercise that affects my pain. I have a feeling it’s both. I do love sweets, but in general they make me feel ugh when I eat them even though I enjoy the taste. Afterwards I feel like crap. It’s not hard for me to give up sugar (i’m talking about refined sugar), and once I do I don’t even crave sweets or want them. But, all it takes is for me to ‘cheat’ a few times and then it’s like an avalanche and I just keep eating sweets.

So, part of this journey into my body transformation is to give myself some relief from the pain of endometriosis. I’m going to keep careful track of my symptoms to see if exercising and reducing sugar intake really does help it. I hope it will offer some advice to any other women out there suffering with this terrible disease.

I started off my day with a fritatta and some greek yogurt and honey. Today at my training session we’re going to talk about nutrition so I can make sure I’m getting the proper amounts of food for my training.  I’ve been doing a lot of research about body building and I know that I’ve been eating too few calories (even though i’ve been full and satisfied). I’m also a little bit confused and overwhelmed by the ‘macros’ (macronutrients: carbs, fat, protein) and the amounts that i need to achieve my goals (building muscle and losing fat). Hopefully she’ll help me make sense of it all!

Despite feeling sluggish and like a sloth today, I’m really looking forward to my session and I’m excited about this first day of my transformation!

After feeling physically destroyed this weekend, I’m determined more than ever to get healthy and strong. I can’t control that I have endometriosis, but I can control the overall health of my body. Strength and good health await me! I just need to go out there and get it 🙂

 

Love,

Bad-ass bitch

Impatient!! and hopeful

When I get it in my mind that I want to do something, I want to start yesterday. I’m so determined to do this I’m going a little nuts but I have to wait.

Even though i’m familiar with weight machines, I’m not really with free weights, especially heavy ones. So, I need to wait until someone can show me how to properly use them.

I met with a trainer yesterday and told her all about my goals, etc etc. We’re going to start this coming Monday. I can’t wait!  But, I must. I’m prone to injury and it would be my luck (stupidity?) that i’d go charging ahead and do myself some real harm and then set myself back. So, I will wait and just continue to do the normal exercises I’ve been doing.

Also, to be honest, I’m still feeling quite tired and weak from the flu that I had 2 weeks ago. It’s amazing how much the flu can take out of you. So, I will take it easy and next week, it’s on!

I might even enter a contest on bodybuilding.com. We’ll see…..i get super competitive so even if I didn’t win it would be good motivation for me to keep going. They award prizes for the best transformations. Could be fun!

Yesterday, I was thinking about all of this and for the first time in a long time I feel hopeful. I’ve been feeling very down since my breakup, trying to move on, trying not to descend into a funk, but it’s been a struggle. Yesterday I was also able to admit some things (aloud to someone) about my ex and our relationship that has been very hard for me to do. So fucking hard. But yesterday, with a lot of tears, I did it. I’m not going to get too much into it because that’s not what this blog is about, but I want to mention it because my experience of this break up is one of the forces driving me to start on this quest for a new me. So, yes I put some things out into the universe yesterday, and for the first time in a while I feel hope; I have something to look forward to: a new me.

Love,

Bad-ass bitch

on being ‘hot’

(my inspiration. Love her back muscles and shoulders!!)

I have been cute and attractive and even called hot and sexy, but I know that I don’t fit society’s definition of ‘hot’. And why should I? why conform? Well, I’m not conforming, I’m not giving in.  My main goal is to be strong and healthy. My current state is not healthy. Fat rolls on my back is not healthy. A wobbly arse may be sexy to some, but it’s not healthy. And yes, I want to be hot and there’s nothing wrong with that.  We live in a society that puts so much value on what we look like. Especially women. I know that men get this too, but we get it more and it’s more widespread. I will always be judged first for how I look. But, in the end it’s going to be my definition of ‘hot’. And when people judge me for how i look, when they see me I want to them judge me as a strong, healthy, bad-ass woman.

I’ve been on dating websites recently. I made profiles and put up some nice photos. I never realised that all of the photos were just head and shoulders, and didn’t show my body until guys who i talked to made it an issue, asking for photos that show my whole body.  Asking me what i’m hiding. As if my face isn’t enough and our conversation can’t be interesting or can’t continue because they don’t know what my body looks like. One guy asked me and i said half-jokingly, why so you can decide if i’m hot enough to continue talking to? He said no, that he was just curious and wanted to know who he was ‘dealing with’ and he said it as if that was an okay thing to say! Needless to say, conversation ended.

Anyway, yes so many arguments and points can be made here. I shouldn’t care what guys think, and they should like me for who i am. Yes, absolutely right. I agree whole-heartedly. But, the point is, I don’t like who I am. I don’t like that i’m somewhere between healthy and unhealthy; fit and unfit. I want to be fit and healthy. This is who i strive to be. And yes, that will mean in my eyes I will look good.  I don’t want to give the impression that my worth exists because of  the validation from a man. Not at all. But, the fact remains that society will continue to judge me on my appearance and this current ideal of what is ‘hot’. It’s been going on for centuries; this is nothing new. there have always been ideal male and female forms that we are supposed to aspire to.

Hotness is subjective anyway, and if anything, by going on this journey I’m empowering myself and feel like i’m existing on my terms. In fact, being fit and strong already goes against societal ‘norms’ (women are supposed to be delicate and ‘feminine’) so there are people out there who don’t find women with muscles attractive. But, I do and I want to be in that category because i want to project strength, endurance and health. And yes, that’s hot.

As long as I stay true to myself as a person and not put my self-worth on how I look then I think i’ll be okay.

Love,

Bad-ass bitch

okay here we (I) go

So, I’ve been at varying levels of fitness in my life. In my teens, I was skinny and worked out so I could build leg muscles. In my late teens/early twenties, I had a steady diet of pizza, egg and cheese bagels, fast food, beer, booze and cigarettes. And since nothing was happening to my weight (as in, I didn’t gain any) I didn’t do anything about it.

When I was 25 I had surgery for endometriosis. Recovery consisted of pizza and ice cream. I gained some weight. After I’d recovered I did weight watchers, lost some weight and started swimming regularly and doing yoga. I was in good shape.

Then, my troubles began. I was started on ‘hormone’ therapy (hormone hell) and thus began a life of rapid weight gain, and yo yo dieting. My body has never been the same.

I’m now off of the hormone drugs that turned me into a raging, weeping, fat monster, and only take meds for my thyroid (hypothyroidism).

I have had several surgeries and things like that start to take their toll.

Three years ago, I’d reached another point where I couldn’t stand my weight any longer so I did something about it. I joined myfitnesspal.com and really stuck to healthy eating and busted my arse with exercise. I lost about 10kg and i felt great. I liked the way i looked. My exercise consisted of a combination of weights and cardio.

My confidence got a boost and then I met a man. A really, hot, younger man who loved my body the way it was and would say things like ‘don’t lose weight’ and tell me I was perfect. He worshipped my body. I had never had that before (I won’t go into the issues us women face with body issues, that would take another entry), so it was great. Anyway, I fell in love with that guy and we had a very intense relationship. I started to gain weight because he loved me the way i was, or even if i was heavier, and i honestly didn’t have as much time (no, i didn’t make the time) for the gym because we were having sex all the time and just being together. I also let his unhealthy eating habits influence mine so there was more junk food than before.

So fast forward, we broke up, got back together again after 6 months and then broke up again a year later. Devastated doesn’t begin to describe what I felt. Even though he showed his true colours and turned out to be a bastard arsehole, i had still fallen in love with that bastard arsehole and it hurt like fucking hell. I gave almost 3 years of my life to that relationship and it really sucked the energy out of me.

So now here I am. I’m single, almost 40, upset with the state of my body and health and wanting to do something about it. I recently joined myfitnesspal again and got into it, lost a few kg and was starting to feel better then I saw a video of me and was horrified at how fat and unhealthy I looked! I also just had a bout of flu and descended into unhealthy eating again and was too weak to exercise so some flab that I lost is coming back.

I’ve loved lifting weights (machines, and recently some free weights at home) for years and I’ve always had an interest lurking in the background to get into serious body building. I don’t mean like competition body building, but for myself. I want to be strong!  I love that feeling when my muscles are getting stronger and I want to start lifting heavy weights.

Right now I feel so flabby and physically weak. Emotionally weak too. I want to finally be proud of my body, not just okay with it. I want to appear to myself, and the outside world, as a physically strong woman. This break up (and he) has left me feeling so weak. I think that if I can do this, make a new me, I can move on from this nonsense and leave the damaged person behind. Also,  I want to feel like I could kick someone’s arse if i wanted to (i wouldn’t do that, but just want to feel like i’d be strong enough). There are other reasons for that which i’ll get into another time.

The truth is, I have handled a lot of shit in my life and I give myself credit for having the strength to get through it, but for so long, and at so many times, I’ve felt weak, especially in my body. Dealing with chronic illness and surgeries and medication side effects has left me feeling sick and weak inside.  Yes, there have been times when I have been fit and stronger. But, why didn’t I stick to it? well, i don’t know. I’m a classic emotional eater, the hormones probably didn’t help, blah blah. whatever.

So, i’ve decided i’m going to take it up. I’m currently looking for a good body building programme and tomorrow I’m meeting with a personal trainer.

My goals are: get strong, fit, lose fat, strengthen joints, be healthy! I want to be fit and lean. I have suffered so much physically and as I near 40 i’m getting scared of being a sick and weak older woman (I don’t mean 40 is old but it’s closer to middle age!). I don’t want to be a weak and sick person anymore. I want to be one of those old ladies that impresses everyone with her physical fitness and strength. I’ve lost a lot of time in my ‘youth’  and need to have the energy and health to make up for things.

Many times I have seen physically strong and fit women and thought: I wish I was like her. well now, I will be her and be the one that others want to be. If there are any girls or women out there who will see me and think ‘i want to be like that’  I want them to know that they can. I am determined to show myself and others that you can become your ideal.

Also I’ve noticed that when I eat well and exercise a lot the pain from my endometriosis is reduced, so if that’s not motivation, I don’t know what the hell is! 🙂  There is no cure for endometriosis, and it’s  a progressive disease. I will need another surgery soon-ish and will always have to be dealing with this disease that sucks my mental, emotional and physical energy. I want to fight against that. I want to take control of my body (because I can’t control the endo) and be strong to deal with whatever this body I’m living in throws at me.

I’ve decided to start this blog as a record of my ‘journey’. I don’t know if anyone will read it; maybe it’ll just be floating about in the ether and never get noticed by anyone, but I wanted to document my ‘transformation’  here. And if  I get readers, it’ll be a bonus to help motivate me to keep going.

So, here’s to a new me and anyone else out there changing their lives!

Love,

Bad-ass Bitch