on being more kind to myself

I met with my trainer today.  I had e mailed her the programme that I want to follow yesterday (i’d actually written the e mail earlier in the week but it was sitting in my drafts–woops!) so she had already had something else planned for me. At first I was disappointed but that changed when I saw we would be using weights.

It wasn’t the rarrrrrr!!! kind of workout i was expecting, but it was a good workout. We did stuff using the barbell, some abs, cycling and rowing machine. I broke a sweat and I can tell that i’ll be sore tomorrow. So, even though it wasn’t the workout I was expecting, it was a good workout and it introduced me to exercises I’d never done before.

Afterwards I went to the vitamin store and bought some protein powder and some capsules to help muscle recovery. The girl there was really helpful and gave me so much advice. I feel like it’s getting real now 😀

Today I also followed the routine of eating several smaller meals. For breakfast I had a fritatta, blood orange snack, lunch was salmon with salad and lentils, apple snack in the afternoon, banana after workout, dinner was a baked chicken breast, 2 egg whites, greek yogurt with cucumber, 12 almonds and the last ‘meal’  will be a protein shake. I’m sure it could be more refined, but i think it’s a good start and I feel really good today. I’ve also done a good job of hydrating.

It’s funny because I like eating healthy foods and I love exercising. I feel so good when I eat well (no refined sugar!) and am active. I just don’t know why I end up crashing so spectacularly. It’s not because i feel deprived or hungry. It’s always some event, like I got the flu. You’d think that when I’m sick i’d crave healthy food, but I just fell into the junk food hole because it easy and probably comforting or whatever and even after i’d recovered my eating was still going badly. I only fixed it this week.

I want this transformation to truly transform me. Not just the way I look, but the way I live so that I stay with the healthy habits. If I do ‘fall off the wagon’  i want it to be an easy hop back on.

I also need to banish negative thoughts about myself and also not be so hard on myself. Today i was shaving my legs and I criticised myself over how fat i think my legs are now. But that needs to stop. Yes, i’m not in the shape I want to be in, but that’s changing and I will be in the shape i want to be in. I’m doing something about it. Today, I did some cardio at home, went to the gym and ate really well. I made good choices about my health so kudos to me. Jesus, a lot of the stuff i say to myself or about myself I would never tolerate someone else saying to me! I need to stop abusing myself in that way. I’m on the way to a better me; not just in body but in mind as well.

Now it’s time to streeeeettttcccchhhh….

Love,
Bad-ass bitch

 

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