snap, crackle, pop…ouch and the disappearing camel toe

Dear World,

Okay so my right hip is out of whack. I don’t know if this is due to lifting (bad form?) or not because i’m actually prone to this and have had problems in the past. Basically it feels like where the leg bone fits into the socket is out of place. I’m not sure if that’s actually what’s going on, but it feels like that. My leg ‘catches’ and it also feels like it’s pinching a nerve down the front of my thigh. I spent the whole weekend doing stretches to try and relieve it, to no avail. My neck has been very sore as well so I don’t know what the hell was going on on Friday, but i’m suffering now.

I had planned to go to a class at the gym yesterday, but thought it best not to. I’m supposed to lift today,  but I will at least skip the squats. I’ll do my overhead press, and MAYBE deadlift because my lower back is feeling iffy as well. Then I plan to do some HIIT. I’m going to make June my HIIT month. I’ve been bitching and complaining that I’m gaining muscle and not losing fat so now it’s time to really do something about it. I’m going to try to get in some HIIT after each lifting session so that would be 3 times a week.

Friday I reached 50kg squat! Which could be why my hip is messed up. I really don’t know. But i’m super annoyed about this setback. Tonight I’ll do more stretches and maybe just some normal squats (without weight). It sucks. My whole leg is hurting because of it. It’s also not comfortable to sit, stand, walk, or even lay down! ugh

So i may not be losing as much fat as I’d like, but i’m losing some. Very small amount, but some pants that I have (soft knit material) are fitting better. When I first got them, I had major cameltoe, now there is no camel toe and only miniscule muffin top. Another pair of pants that were giving some good camel toe  are also cameltoe-less. So, that’s something, I guess!

I really would like my boobs to get smaller though. They’re bigger than average and it really sucks. Before anyone says, oh i wish i had your boobs (I hear that a lot), let me tell you that no, you don’t. They are not fun. They’re heavy, if you wear a tight shirt  you look ridiculous…you walk into a room and it’s like BOOBS!, they hurt your back, shoulders, neck, and unless they’re fake they do not stand up.

Aaanyway, here’s what I did Friday:

Week 3, Day 3 

Squat 50kg  5×5

Bench Press 27.5kg 5×5

Barbell Row 42kg  5×5

ropes 6 ‘sets’ of 20-30 seconds each

Hip abductor 80kg 3×10

Hip adductor 85kg 3×10


The barbell row was quite tough so I might stay at that weight next time or even decrease a bit. The benchpress felt awesome though it was pretty tough towards the end.

Bad news about the tattoo. The artist that is supposed to be doing a guest spot here, isn’t after all 😦   So. now I need to find another…

I really hope my hip gets better! I don’t want to fall too far behind. I feel like i just want someone to grab my leg and yank it really hard. Probably not a good idea to actually try that…  😉


Bad-ass bitch


4 pack, tattoo, FAT!

Dear World,

I was once again posing and flexing in the mirror (as you do) and I noticed that I have at least a 4 pack going on. BUT, it’s still lost under all of this fat. I’m getting really annoyed! Okay but to be fully honest, I haven’t stepped up my cardio like i said i should, and the diet has suffered a bit with all of these work dinners and lunches, and birthday parties and me being a little lazy. So, I know a lot of my stalled progress has to do with me. I can tell I’m building some nice muscles (my arms!) so I want to show them off and get rid of this nasty fat covering them all.

So, my mum is coming to visit me in a little over a month. This is my deadline. She doesn’t care what I look like, but it helps for me to have a deadline. I was talking to my friend yesterday and she doesn’t do well with deadlines;  she says it’s too much pressure and if she doesn’t reach her target she gets upset. I completely get that, but I need a deadline. I need a goal to work towards rather than I’ll get there when I get there. Now, I’m not expecting total transformation in a month, but I want to see a big difference and I believe I can do it if I really get down to business.

What that means is I really need to be strict with my diet. No more slip ups. I have one more work lunch this week and it should be possible to make it fairly healthy, but other than that for the next month there’s no more things like that. It also means I need to add more cardio (yes, I said that before and now actually have to do it haha). I’m going to add the butt workout back in. Not only did it help me lose inches off my hips before, it really loosened them up (and my lower back) and this area has been feelign quite tight so I need to do this again.

Another thing, I finally want to get my tattoo. I’ve been wanting one for ages, and when my mum visits would be the perfect time (plus there is a really good tattoo artist doing a guest spot at a studio at this time and I’m hoping to get in with her).  My tattoo is going to be on my upper arm/shoulder and I had originally planned to get it once i had achieved the arms I want as a reward. But, I don’t want to wait so I think i’ll go ahead and get it so  I want my arms to be in a bit better shape than they are now so I can show off the tattoo this summer. Plus, once I have the tattoo it’ll be further motivation to get the arms I really want.

If i switch my mental mode as if i’m training for an event (my mum’s arrival/tattoo) then I feel like I’ll work harder and train better. Yes, enough is enough. Even though i’ve been sticking to my training I feel like for the rest of it I’ve fallen into half-assed mode. NO! I’m supposed to be in bad-ass mode 😉


Week 3, Day 2

Squat 40kg 5×5

Bench Press 25kg 5×5

Barbell Row 37kg

ropes 6 ‘sets’ 20-30 seconds each

hip abductor 75kg 3×10

hip adductor 75kg 3×10


Week 3, Day 3 

Squat 42.5kg  5×5

Overhead Press 25kg  5×5

Deadlift  47kg  1×5

ropes 9 ‘sets’ 20-30 seconds each

hip abductor 75kg  3×10

hip adductor 80kg  3×10


Week 4, Day 1

Squat 45kg  5×5

Bench press 27.5kg   5×5

Barbell row 42kg  5×5

ropes 9 ‘sets’ 20-30 seconds each

hip abductor 80kg 3×10

hip adductor 854g 3×10



I just looked up my first workout. My squat was 15kg. awwww



Bad-ass Bitch

PS some inspiration:


I’m in love with her arms!


Hers too!

misleading info

Dear World,

One thing I’ve been thinking about is that a lot of the information out there on fitness, nutrition, lifting heavy, is not really geared towards beginners. For instance, telling a total newbie (who needs to lose a lot of fat) that they should eat more than 2000 calories and that weight lifting alone will burn the fat is a little misleading. I think 2000 calories and weight lifting alone is enough when you are already fit. But if you need to lose fat, I think the calorie intake should be a bit lower and that cardio should be added to accelerate weight (fat) loss.

I’ve also heard the advice, if you want something to eat you should have it;  have that slice of pizza, that cookie, etc. I think this works on a general level, again if you’re already thin and fit and also have a good handle on your eating habits. Telling someone who is trying to lose fat (and most likely trying to break bad eating habits) to have that slice of pizza or cookie if they want it is silly. This will not help break bad habits, or teach you how to control yourself if you are prone to overeating junk food. This is not reinforcing good eating habits, this is reinforcing the bad (i.e., giving in to the junk food). Yes, it is okay to have these foods occasionally but I think in the beginning it’s best not to indulge.

Now, I keep saying ‘i think’ because this is just what I think. I’m no expert, I know that everyone’s body is different, everyone’s will and drive are different so this is applying to me in the context of me. Though, I do think others out there could relate.

Based on my experience so far of increasing calories and heavy weight lifting alone has not given me the results I wanted or expected after 2 months. Yes, I am getting stronger and am building muscles which is part of what I wanted, but I also wanted to lose fat. I might have lost some, but not a significant amount. Sometimes I think I’ve even gained some.  I believe this is because I have avoided cardio and increased my calories. So, what I’m doing right now is not working for me the way I want it to. That means, I need to change the way I’m doing things. I’m still going to continue with my weightlifting programme because I enjoy it and I am getting stronger, no doubt. But (and I mentioned this in a previous entry), I need to add back more cardio. I really need to step things up. I need to add more cardio, and do more supplemental workouts. For instance there is a great butt lift workout series on youtube (30 days–be sure to check the description for the schedule) that I’ve done before and my arse really looked good. Right now, even though I’m squatting heavy weight my butt is still kind of flat. With the buttlift,  it really did lift my butt but also made my legs and butt muscles strong, but the best part was that it really relieved a lot of my lower back pain.

I had also done a 30 day ab challenge before. It was basically sit ups, crunches, leg lifts and a plank and each day increasing. Again, the fitness gurus will say that doing sit ups and crunches aren’t necessary you can get a six pack in other ways and i’m sure that’s true. And no, I didn’t get a visible 6 pack, but what I did get is stronger abs which helped me to stand up better and I did see some definition in my stomach area.

So my point in all of this is that these things worked for me before, so I will do them again. I may not do the butt workout every day (especially on my rest days) but i’ll do it as much as I can. I will also add back the ab challenge. And more cardio. I feel like right now I’m doing the workout of someone who is already fit. I’m not fit. Not where I want to be. So I’ve got to really go all out to get the body I want.

So here’s what I did yesterday:

Week 3, day 1

Squat 37.5kg  5×5

Overhead press 25kg 5×5

Deadlift 44.5kg  1×5

ropes 6 ‘sets’ of 20-30 seconds each

hip abductor 70kg  3×10

hip adductor 75kg 3×10

I’ve still be able to add more weight each time! I’m wondering if i can do the suggested 40kg squat next time. I’m feeling some strain in my knees the past few times. We’ll see…..!


Bad-ass Bitch


getting bigger before getting smaller

So, last night I was flexing in the mirror (as you do) and the light was just right that I could see the definition in my arms. Since I’m not lean yet, I like to think of it as a preview of what’s to come;  I like it!

I’ll admit I’ve been feeling frustrated that I don’t seem to be burning much fat when in the past I’ve had better (faster) results by eating less, weight machines and cardio. I have lost fat quite well like that and in comparison rather quickly. I know that body transformation takes time. I’m grounded enough to know that I shoudln’t expect results overnight, and that these things take time. Of course I’m impatient and I want my new body NOW, but I know that’s not realistic. This can take months, or years and this is what I’m expecting. The only thing is, I’m results driven. If i see myself getting smaller I work harder. logically it should be the opposite, but it’s not. I need to see results to keep going. The trick is, convincing myself that this time it’s different because I’m doing something different. I have used weights and weight machines in the past but I haven’t lifted heavy weight like this before. So, the results will be different and how long (or how quickly) it takes to achieve them will also be different.

Yesterday I found this article:   and it was good timing. I recalled some articles I read before I started doing this about how it’s common to get bigger first. So I just need to remember this.

Week 2, day 3 

Squat 35kg

Bench press 25kg

Barbell row 34.5kg

ropes 6 ‘sets’, 20-30 seconds each

hip abductor 70kg 3×10

hip adductor 75kg 3×10

Nutrition wasn’t the best this weekend. I had beer, and yesterday I feel like i ate my body weight in cake. Oh well. Back on track this week. Except today, I left my lunch on the counter at home! I’m so annoyed, i had it all prepared the forgot it. Finding something healthy to eat out is not going to be that easy but I’ll try!

Last week I got my period. Amazingly, it was tolerable. The first morning my cramps felt pretty bad and on the way to work I was regretting leaving the house. But after a while the pills kicked in and it was actually smooth sailing for the rest of  the period. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t fun. I still felt bloated, upset stomach (this is usual), tired as hell, hungry as hell, emotional as hell, my back hurt but the pain wasn’t excruciating. What a relief this was after the past 2 months. The past 2 were so bad I wanted to go to the hospital (i just didn’t because both times I was out of town in a foreign country and didn’t want to deal with it). This is what i was hoping for from the exercise and change in diet. I don’t know if it’s due that or not (in the past I’ve had a period that was inexplicably easy), so it will take a few more cycles to see. I hope I hope I hope that it will stay like this. Okay it doesn’t erase the fact that my endometriosis is progressing, so I will still need to find a surgeon but if it alleviates symptoms then woo hoo! I was able to function and even work out, so it was good 🙂  I would prefer I didn’t feel so tired and to not have the raging hormones, but I’ll take what I can get.

Back to the gym today to start week 3!

Bad-ass bitch

warm up, yeah!

Last night after I’d had dinner and an evening snack I still felt hungry. I said to myself ‘why am I so freakin’ tired and hungry?’. Then i had a flash of deja vu. This is exactly what I said a month ago. So, I quickly checked the calendar. Joy of joys I’m due to get my period. That would explain the insatiable hunger and why my patience was at zero yesterday. So here we are again. We’ll see if 2 cycles of exercise and healthy diet help. I really hope so. the last 2 periods were horrendous; the pain unbearable. At least this time I’ll be at home instead of a foreign country as I was for the last 2, so if it gets really bad and I need the hospital I’ll know where to go. fingers crossed it doesn’t come to that.

The impending assault on my reproductive system means I’m super tired and  explains why my lower back felt stiff last night. I noticed it was more sensitive during my squats today so tonight I’d better do some gentle stretching.

Despite feeling tired, I was able to do my workout and add the recommended weight (a little more in the case of the overhead press because again the plates at the gym didn’t add up to the suggested weight).

Week 2, Day 2
(all exercises 5×5, except deadlift)

Squat 32.5kg

Overhead press 22.5kg

Deadlift 42kg (1×5)

ropes 6 ‘sets’ 20-30 seconds each

hip abductor 65kg (3×10)

hip adductor 75kg (3×10)

I felt like staying longer and doing a bit more extra stuff but I had to get to back to work. It’s nice to have the workout out of the way already though since I have a busy evening ahead.

One thing i forgot to mention: in the app for my workout, it will give you the recommended warm up sets for each move. until now, the weight i’ve been lifting hasn’t been heavy enough to require warm up sets. the last 2 workouts, I’ve finally reached enough weight on my squat that it requires warm sets. woo hoo!


Bad-ass bitch

keeping on

Dear World,
It was a busy weekend and already a busy week but I’m on track with my routine 🙂 Here’s what I’ve been up to:


Week 2, Day 3 

Squat 27.5kg

Overhead press 20kg

Deadlift 39.5kg

Ropes 3 ‘sets’, 25-30 seconds each

I wasn’t feeling so great during this workout. That was my fault due to nutrition. I had stupidly left my morning snack at home, and since I had a short work day I didn’t really have time to go out and get something. So, when I went to work out, I hadn’t eaten that much. When I started, I felt fine, but not long into it I started to feel a bit weak and my blood sugar level was iffy. But, I managed to get through it and use all of the suggested weight.


Week 3, Day 1

Squat 30kg

Bench Press 22.5kg

Barbell Row 32kg

Ropes 6 ‘sets’ 20-30 seconds each

Hip abductor 65kg 3×10

Hip adductor 70kg 3×10

The area where the ropes are set up is not so big, so you kind of have to position yourself in a busy area with machines. There was a guy nearby stretching on a mat while i was setting up. I looked over at him to make sure I wasn’t going to thrash him with the ropes. He smiled and said it was okay. So, I went for it and after I dropped the ropes in exhaustion he said something like ‘wow that was great!’. It was a nice contrast to the dickwad from the other day. PLus it made me feel just a little extra bad-ass 😉

Super busy so not much time to write about anything else, but I’ve been adding more weight each time and I’m getting stronger and starting to see definition. It’s still buried under the fat but hopefully that will change soon.



Bad-ass bitch




on cardio and douches at the gym

Dear World,
I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere. I’m seeing the results I needed to see to motivate me. If only I’d started like this a month and a half ago! oh well, onward and upward…

The results I’m talking about is my muscles are finally getting firm and I’m feeling stronger. There is still a lot of fat that I need to blast. My nutrition is pretty good (weekends out of town have been challenging to stay on track), and I’m feeling motivated.

I need to add more cardio though. A lot of the body building articles I’ve read state that you don’t need to do cardio, that the sheer mass of your muscles burns the fat on your body. It’s not that I don’t believe this, but for someone starting out who needs to lose a lot of fat, and also needs to excelerate that should be doing cardio. I don’t mean hours and hours of it, but cardio does burn fat and in conjuction with the weight lifting it will help. I think if you are already lean and in shape then yeah cardio probably isn’t necessary but for someone like me who is starting out, I think it’s essential. Well, it’s essential if you’re like me in that you need to see results to stay on track. And of course, there’s nothing wrong with cardio, it’s actually very good for you!

In the past I’ve squeezed in an 8 minute tae bo workout every day. It’s nothing crazy, but it gets the heart going for those 8 minutes and i figure 8 minutes is better than 0 minutes. Three years ago when I lost a lot of weight 10kg (about 25 pounds), i did it through nutrition, some weight machines (not lifting heavy like i am now), and cardio. I did that tae bo almost every day and then once or twice a week would do a more intense cardio workout. So, I’m going to do the tae bo as much as possible (i’m already doing it sometimes, but i’ll go back to doing it every day) and do the ropes when I go to the gym. I’ll also add one cardio workout a week that’s a little more intense. I personally like cardio. I like the feeling of my heart rate going up, my lungs feel healthy (I have asthma) and I like that kind of sweat. I’m not the type that will like to do that every day for an hour, but a few times a week for 30 minutes is great for me. So, we’ll see if this combo of cardio and heavy lifting helps with the fat I desperately need to lose.

Since I last wrote, I have done 2 more workouts. I was able to increase weight each time. In a few cases I had to increase the weight more than they suggested because the gym didn’t have the right combination of plates to make up the weight, but I managed it and surprised myself that I could do it.

Ugh last night when I went to the gym I was just setting up and some guy came over and was about to take the bench (like he can’t see me standing there loading plates!). I told him that I was using it and that I’m just getting started. So he said okay and then proceeded to stand there waiting. After my first set I told him that I was just starting and would be there for a while (you know, to be polite and let him know) and he bit my head off ‘yeah and i’m waiting here’. He then proceeded to just stand there and watch me while I worked out. I’ll admit, i felt a bit self-conscious and didn’t rest as long as I should’ve between sets but after a few  I said to myself fuck it, I have as much right to be working out here as you do and you’re not going to intimidate me and you’ll just have to wait because i got here first.  He finally gave up and pissed off. It can sometimes feel intimidating when you’re the only woman in the room and you’re surrounded by guys and their testosterone. Generally it’s been okay at my gym. Sometimes there have been a few like him and there are the mega-grunters which reduces me to a giggling schoolgirl—sorry it’s just so funny. Anyway, I resolve to not be timid at all and flaunt my bad-assery.

Week 2

(all exercises are 5×5 with the exception of the deadlift. Programme is called Stronglifts)

Day 1

Squat 22.5kg

Overhead press 17.5kg

deadlift 37kg (1×5)

ropes 3 ‘sets’ of 30 seconds (alternating arms)

Then I did a bit on some machines because I love the way these make me feel. I have so much tension in my hips and lower back these feel great

Hip abductor 60kg (3×10)

Hip adductor 65kg (3×10)

I also threw in some seated calf raises: 25kg (2×8)


Day 2

Squat 25kg

Bench press 20kg

Barbell Row 29.5kg

Ropes 6 ‘sets’ of 30 seconds each. I did alternating arms, arms side to side, and arms in unison (if that makes sense). there are more moves that I found on this great video, but when I got to the gym, I had forgotten them and I couldn’t get the internet to work on my phone. So i’ll need to study this so I can do more moves next time

Hip abductor 60kg (3×10)

Hip adductor 65kg (3×10)


Today I weighed myself. I’m half a kg heavier. I’m not too upset though. I’ll just put it down to my massive, throbbing muscles 😀


Bad-ass bitch

I’m into ropes…

So based on my last entry, and my absence it would be easy to assume that i’ve given up. Quite the contrary. The self-pity party was pretty much over by the time I’d finished writing the post (yey hormonal mood swings!). If I’m going to call myself a bad-ass bitch, I need to start acting like one. Though, my feelings were valid; endometriosis is no walk in the park.  Anyway, I’ve been really busy and haven’t really had the time to write, hence the mini hiatus.

This week I finished the first week of stronglifts. So far I really like it for its simplicity and that it works the whole body in one workout. I have also felt this one more than what i was doing before. I like the app too so I can log my workout without having to bring a paper and pencil. It also has a nice timer on it to countdown the rest period between sets. It recommends an amount of weight to increase each time and I’ve been able to do that. I wasn’t able to start with the starting weight they suggested but close. Tomorrow I’ll do it again and I’m really looking forward to it 🙂  I finally feel like i’m on the right track.

I also discovered the battling ropes at the gym and I love them! I’d seen them mentioned in some article but I had thought that my gym didn’t have them. When I was there the other day, someone was using them so I was pleasantly surprised to see them there. Turns out I’m totally into ropes 😉  I love them! I do it for 30 seconds and wow my heart is pumping and arms burning. Ha and since typing this (I googled them to find out the exact name of the ropes) I found a youtube video of a workout just on the ropes! Can’t wait to try it.

Nutrition is still going pretty well. I’ve not been totally strict every day as I was travelling and it’s always so hard to eat well outside of this city, but I’ve done quite well so my ‘diet’  hasn’t suffered too much.

Anyway I feel more on track with the lifting and I’m excited to keep moving forward.

Day 1

Squat 15kg

Bench press 15kg

Barbell row 19.5kg

Day 2 

Squat 17.5kg

Overhead press 15kg

Deadlift 34.5kg

Ropes 2 ‘sets’ of 30 seconds each

Day 3

Squat 20kg

Bench press 17.5kg

Barbell row 27kg

Ropes 3 ‘sets’ of 30 seconds each

Tomorrow back to the gym! Feeling motivated and looking forward to it


Bad-ass Bitch