Impatient!! and hopeful

When I get it in my mind that I want to do something, I want to start yesterday. I’m so determined to do this I’m going a little nuts but I have to wait.

Even though i’m familiar with weight machines, I’m not really with free weights, especially heavy ones. So, I need to wait until someone can show me how to properly use them.

I met with a trainer yesterday and told her all about my goals, etc etc. We’re going to start this coming Monday. I can’t wait!  But, I must. I’m prone to injury and it would be my luck (stupidity?) that i’d go charging ahead and do myself some real harm and then set myself back. So, I will wait and just continue to do the normal exercises I’ve been doing.

Also, to be honest, I’m still feeling quite tired and weak from the flu that I had 2 weeks ago. It’s amazing how much the flu can take out of you. So, I will take it easy and next week, it’s on!

I might even enter a contest on bodybuilding.com. We’ll see…..i get super competitive so even if I didn’t win it would be good motivation for me to keep going. They award prizes for the best transformations. Could be fun!

Yesterday, I was thinking about all of this and for the first time in a long time I feel hopeful. I’ve been feeling very down since my breakup, trying to move on, trying not to descend into a funk, but it’s been a struggle. Yesterday I was also able to admit some things (aloud to someone) about my ex and our relationship that has been very hard for me to do. So fucking hard. But yesterday, with a lot of tears, I did it. I’m not going to get too much into it because that’s not what this blog is about, but I want to mention it because my experience of this break up is one of the forces driving me to start on this quest for a new me. So, yes I put some things out into the universe yesterday, and for the first time in a while I feel hope; I have something to look forward to: a new me.

Love,

Bad-ass bitch

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